Sensor of Love

I was watching a YouTube channel. The theme of the channel is mainly interviews with students who failed the university entrance examination or who have tons of failure in their life. In the video I watched, a man who dropped out from the university only three days after the admission, then he has tried to change his jobs among 200 companies with untrue curriculum vitae(CV). He said in the video that he was bullied at junior high and the experience has had various bad effects on his life, such as telling lies on his CV. The interesting point is he doesn't have any guilt for what he did. He said "I have been treated under foot in this social system. What's the matter telling lies on my CV. It's a tiny matter compared to how I was treated by people."

Following his story, his parents weren't helpful when he was bullied at school. So I guess he couldn't find any love in the early days of his life. It's a very sad/difficult situation for human beings. We can't receive love if we don't know the feelings, sense and atmosphere of love, not even imagine it. It's hard to explain warmth to the person who is in a storm. How can we receive good signals(=love) without antenna or sensor? Such status makes it difficult to relate with others and to have a life calmly. I know it's wrong on legally/moral but it can't be helped partly if he tells lies on his CV. I truly respect that he is working as a Youtuber recently. 

I also didn't know unconditional love from my parents but I received it from others like teachers, friends and other relatives. It takes a long time to know the feelings of abundant love. Now I truly appreciate the people who gave me it without any conditions. By those experiences which were given by generous people, I could have my own sensor of love. 

Before going back to Society

I recently started to volunteer, which is for organizing an annual forum related to children's welfare. In addition I also started to work as a tutor for children who don't go to school for some reasons. Both of them are for children and I'm very-very happy to do them.  On the other hand, I'm afraid about how I can manage my time and energy. Honestly to say, I'm not sure I can do all of them. I'm particularly worried about whether I can work at my own pace. 

I don't have experience working in a comfortable situation. I was tired all the time when I was working many years ago. The amount of work was too much for me and I was crushed by those works. Now I'm worrying that I would have the same situation like I had in the past. 

In those cases, I've told myself. "I will work with new types of people who I haven't met before. And I'm not the same as I was."

Like acting toward Cats

I don't care if cats ignore me when I speak to them, but I slightly mind if someone ignores me when I speak to them. What's the difference I feel in these two situations? 

There are several semi-street cats around my house. They are so lovely and I speak to them when I meet them. Most of the time they ignore me or run away from me. I don't care about their attitude. It's a natural reaction as cats. On the other hand, I would mind if people do the same behavior to me.

Probably, I understand the differences between cats and I. However, I haven't understood the differences among others. It's proper that we have differences in every aspect but I should expect others to replay some specific reactions too much. How about I act towards others the same as for cats? So, I don't need to care about the reactions from others.